OH WHEN THE SPURS, STEAL SOMEONE’S SONG
Tottenham Hotspur 3 West Ham 1
The script for this one has already been written. Although Kane is not going to score today (he only needs one goal to establish a new Premier League record for goals in successive games), he has at least made the starting XI for his team’s cup final. And it’s a game that starts well for his side. After nine minutes Masuaku, a replacement for Pablo Fornals in one of David Moyes’ less predictable team changes of the season, gives the ball away on the left and Kane gathers the loose ball and crosses from the right. Although Zouma expertly shields Kane’s empathic twin Son from reaching the cross, his left knee deflects the ball past his own keeper. Worse is to come when quarter of an hour later Kane’s telepathic pass reaches Son on the left, and the South Korean descends upon Fabianski into the area and rifles the ball into the roof of the net. It seems absurd that the Spurts should have such a commanding lead so early on, but good luck to them. It is their cup final, after all.
When West Ham’s consolation goal comes, as it must, Tottenham’s part in it is significant. Matt Doherty gives away an unnecessary corner and then, although he beats Dawson in the air from Cresswell’s outswinger, he then coolly provides an assist with his mistimed header straight to Benrahma, who casually sidefoots home from the edge of the six yard box.
West Ham slowly feel their way back into the game, as the Sky commentary team dig in for another Spurs LoveFest. Alan Smith, a man who couldn’t summarise his arse in a diarrhoea storm, shifts into North London partisan gear. As West Ham prepare to take a corner late in the first half, just 2-1 down, Smith begins an unthought through utterance with, “If West Ham can hang on until half time…” They are ATTACKING you ex-Leicester plonker, FFS.
The half time interval comes as a welcome break to both sets of fans, West Ham’s ready to tweet obscenities at being behind to Spurs, and Spurs’ in an effort to repel accusations of feeling smug at half-time in their seasonal cup final.
On 80 minutes, Kane misses an open goal, effectively shut down by Fabianski. It is one of the few moments of joy for West Ham fans in the game, the other one being Son’s collapse to the ground after being hit by a pass from Zouma, the ball mysteriously assuming the weight of a bowling ball without warning.
Nevertheless, Spurs bag a third from a Kane flick on to Bowling Bull, who looks up on his run to see Cresswell playing him on from a standing position on the other side of the pitch before slotting the ball past Fabianski.
1 Lucasz Fabianski, 3 Aaron Cresswell, 4 Kurt Zouma, 31 Ben Johnson, 41 Declan Rice (c), 15 Craig Dawson, 23 Arthur Masuaku, 10 Manuel Lanzini, 28 Tomas Souček, 9 Michail Antonio, 22 Saïd Benrahma
Substitute: 7 Andriy Yarmolenko
Goalscorer: Saïd Benrahma
