SPURRED OFF
Tottenham Hotspur 2 West Ham 0
Tuesday 23rd June 2020
Just three days after their disappointing home defeat against Wolves, West Ham have the chance to ease free from the pull of the Premier League’s relegation zone. It is a perverse fact that whenever the Hammers are in desperate need of points, a fixture against Tottenham Hotspur is never very far away.
And what of Spurs? That tedious glistening team who never quite make it to the upper reaches of anything, and yet always seem to be just out of reach of the more rooted, regimented and realistic West Ham United. Last year’s win at the glittering new Tottenham Hotspur Stadium lowered it to just another flash ground housing an ordinary overrated team, Hubris Hotspur.
The inevitable defeat appears in the emperor’s victory jacket in the first two minutes of the game. A long hopeful ball is hit into the Tottenham area, Antonio plays targetman to head it down into the path of Noble who tries to take a touch rather than just hitting it first time. That would have been a goal up inside ninety seconds. Instead all that comes from it is a feeble appeal for a penalty, and that’s no kind of second prize.
Bowen is settling in to the speed and challenge of Premier League football, but with Noble and Antonio playing up with him, this looks like a very strange formation. Balbuena is back and makes some decent defensive headers out when the going gets tough. Martin Tyler and Alan Smith both insist on calling Tomas Soucek ‘So-Check’ which for some reason I find really irritating. I will be even more irritated by it in the second half, but for now West Ham are more than a match for their North London neighbours.
Spurs seem to have no answer to Bowen other than to foul him every time he gets near the ball. It’s a kind of compliment, but because they don’t get cumulative yellow cards if the fouls are carried out each time by a different player, it ends up counting for nothing. Fornals gets a yellow for a late tackle on Aurier. This is when I notice that his shirt indicates he is P. Fornals. Is the P. necessary because he has a brother playing in the academy side? No, he’s just taking the P. plain and simple.
Moyes hasn’t beaten Mourinho in thirteen attempts. It’s the kind of stat that makes you want to hunt for that episode of Question Time with Joey Barton on it that you’ve never got round to watching. It’s gotta make you feel better than watching this, no?
Davies chops down Bowen on twenty minutes, so a chance for a long free kick into the area after moving everyone up. Noble hits it deep at the high line, and Antonio’s shot is well blocked by Lloris as is Bowen’s return effort. Antonio has scored prolifically against Spurs over the years, if you can call four goals prolific. Anything to raise the hope stakes.
Lucas Moura hits a dipping effort which Fabianski turns over, earning his match fee in one save. Noble cops a yellow after just 25 minutes pulling back Lo Celso after his free kick wasn’t deep enough to get past the Spurs back line. He won’t be taking part in much of the second half I’m guessing.
Then Spurs, having finally settled after the part of the game when West Ham were on top, score in the final minute of the first half, Son blasting in from the edge of the area past Fabianski. Un-effing-believable. Especially the irritating ‘goal celebration’ music that sounds like something you might hear an uninspired busker play at Seven Sisters station, if anyone was stupid enough to play there on a behind closed doors match day. Thankfully on the slide rule VAR, Ryan Fredericks’ buttocks prove less curvy than Scott Parker’s (it says here), and Son is adjudged to have received the ball in a position when his arm was offside. But he can’t touch the ball with his arm, can he, so how does that work? VAR responds in West Ham’s favour for the first time since that away match at Bournemouth earlier in the season, and Hammers get to half-time still level, the promise of a valuable away point still alive.
Six minutes into the second half Bowen gets himself into an excellent shooting position, only to offer the Fornals finish, as we may have to christen it since last Saturday. Dier crocks Antonio after Kane has crocked Fornals. Cynical bunch, Mourinho’s lot. Then, as I’ve christened it, Fornals gets his chance with a fantastic cross field ball from Bowen right into his stride just outside the six yard box and he scuffs at it as if it was on his wrong foot (it wasn’t). What a chance. Not unlike the one he actually put away at Anfield. ‘He’s technically much better than that,’ says Alan Smith, in summary. Within minutes Kane, the crocker, dips a shot over Fabianski’s bar. Just ten minutes in, Kane puts another effort from an expert cross wide. The golden boot. Does gold rust? Chances are coming thick and fast at both ends, and here is Antonio who always scores against Spurs, putting one into the stands on the hour.
Then, Spurs score, and what a panty-lining of nonsense it is. Lo Celso’s corner is headed wide by Sanchez, but clips So-So-Check and trickles into the corner of the net. The VAR replay suggests Sanchez has actually handled it, but this time the VAR official, after some delay, chooses to ignore the evidence. Anderson and Lanzini replace Noble and Fornals to little effect. Martin Tyler says, ‘Lanzini’s got a bit of a record in London derbies,’ but the last twenty minutes suggest this perception may have been acquired from a bygone age. The last decent chance for the Hammers falls to Bowen who hits the post from a pull back by Anderson. West Ham continue to push forward and five minutes later Spurs get a second, Son playing Kane through, and that is that.
Two BCD games, four goals conceded, none scored, no points. Could do better.
1 Lucasz Fabianski, 24 Ryan Fredericks, 4 Fabian Balbuena, 23 Issa Diop, 3 Aaron Cresswell, 16 Mark Noble (captain), 41 Declan Rice, 28 Tomas Soucek, 17 Jarrod Bowen, 30 Michail Antonio, 18 Pablo Fornals
Substitutes: 8 Felipe Anderson, 10 Manuel Lanzini
